Building Your Festive Fence
Gathering together at this time of year is something to feel grateful for after various lockdowns. It’s a privilege to connect with family. It can be amazing and a time of many treasures….that is, except when it’s NOT.
Unwanted gifts from old Saint Nick such as family feuds and unresolved issues can be unwrapped at this time of year, and so, you may choose to build what I’m calling a ‘festive fence’.
What is a festive fence? I hear you ask.
A festive fence is something you build for the unruly relatives. Rather than building a wall or picking a fight, you could build a fence. You can see through and over a fence, but the boundary line is clearly marked, even if just in your own mind. Behind the fence is your space, where you are safe. This means only sharing a measured part of yourself, like you would in a conversation with your neighbour over your fence.
You can compromise for the sake of peace but be careful to stay emotionally disentangled and on your own side of the fence — keep the person in question out of your inner circle, but keep a kind word on your tongue.
On the other hand, you might feel the overwhelming urge to plow your sleigh right over that fence and let your reindeer stomp all over the person on the other side. And you could…but would that be a wise choice of how to spend your energy?
Choosing when to compromise and choosing when to stand your ground is a delicate dance. Perhaps if you need to, lose your sh*t in your journal first, and see if that provides you with the release you seek. If you have a close friend who can witness you in a safe and private space, have a rant tantrum then step back and re-centre. Know that your fence is your fence, and you get to choose who crosses it.
And then, after all of that if you feel you need to speak up, then speak your truth. If you do so, it’s probably a good idea to remain centred and avoid unnecessary venom or finger-pointing. Share your truth and then be prepared to walk away.
When your body is hurting, usually you want the pain gone ASAP. The same can be said for your emotional body. Check in with your intuition — be brutally honest with yourself about whether you’re feeling emotionally triggered or whether your intuition is genuinely telling you to stand your ground.
Perhaps you’re wondering why bother putting yourself through any of this? Why is it even useful? It comes down to your potential, your instinct, your intuition, if you choose it. When you notice and speak your truth, you are able to access all of your delicious potential. And that’s a fantastic gift to give yourself.
Happy Holidays!!!
